If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
