What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
