i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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