meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
