i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
