the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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