thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
