making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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