I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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