Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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