But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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