I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
