Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize