She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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