once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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