after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
