ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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