how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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