He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
