Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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