Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
