First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
being pregnant is like rehab
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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