Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
