R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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