This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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