i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
