I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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