When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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