he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
