Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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