I just saw a hot homeless man
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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