I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
