im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize