Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
