I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize