saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
