Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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