FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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