Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
