The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
