My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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