do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
