he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
