Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
