having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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