I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
