Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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