Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
