guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
