Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
