I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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