there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
