i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
