i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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