just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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