I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
