So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
