the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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