Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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