Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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