evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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