I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
