She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize