My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
