Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize