So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
