I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
