woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
