pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
