It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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