I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Randomize
