wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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