Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My breasts were aching with rage.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
