they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
