even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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